The Struggle of Inviting God's Control

As I right this post, this is very much on my mind. I have written before about God being in every birth and this is true whether you invite Him or not. But I will tell you, when you invite Him in and relinquish your whole experience to Him, it is much easier to accept what comes your way. Right now, I am really having to invite God into my birth every moment. Current circumstance are causing me to strongly desire to take my birth into my own hands, but I know that that is not what is best for my baby or me. I find myself relinquishing control and then snatching it back. It's primarily a battle of the mind. Sometimes the Spirit is winning, sometimes the flesh. But it is ongoing and a bit wearisome.

God alone is our strength. God alone knows what is best for us. God alone will bring our babies into this world. Will you invite God into your birth?

How do you struggle with inviting God in?

Josiah's Birth

From the Archives

After the last three babies waiting till my mom was in town or on her way, my mother-in-law joked that she wasn’t coming to help after baby number 4 till my mom had visited.  Sure enough, the morning after my mom arrived, my water broke at 4am!  I woke my tired mom and let her know, and my husband and I headed to the hospital.  My midwife had said if my water breaks, come straight away since the last two babies were born shortly after having my membranes ruptured.

Off we went to the hospital, but again, no really painful contractions.  The ER nurse looked skeptical, but sent me up to L&D to check in.  My midwife met us up there and she checked me over.  She said she wouldn’t leave since her house was a good 45 minutes from the hospital.  After an hour of no real progress and irregular contractions she examined me again.  She said baby boy feels like he was facing my thigh rather than my tailbone, maybe that is why my contractions and labor are stalling.  So she told me to lie down on my side, so he is on his face and maybe he would turn.  She was going to go home.  She said to call her again when we reached 8cm. 

I lied down on my side and napped.  My husband went to the cafeteria and got breakfast.  He came back and I told him to go nap.  I wasn’t struggling through contractions, and could breathe through them on my own right now.  I would really need him later.  When the contractions began to regulate again and get more uncomfortable I woke him.  He called the nurse to come check me, and we were on our way to baby-time!  The midwife was called back and when she arrived we were just about ready.

I had been using the squat bar attached to the bed and loving that I could use it to support me how I was comfortable and my husband could rub my back during contractions.  The midwife had me lie down a bit and put my feet up on the squat bar, so I was still in the position of a squat, but now baby wasn’t wrapped around my pelvis.  I gave a few good pushes, and out was a blond baby boy!  First time we had a blond baby, and he was big—8lbs, 10oz! 

Then came the anatomy lesson.  After I delivered the placenta, the midwife said look at this. To which my husband was almost grossed out completely.  She said, look where the amniotic sac tore, it was 3 inches from a huge artery-looking thing.  She said this was a rare occurrence.  Usually the umbilical cord attaches directly to the placenta, but my baby’s had threaded its way across the amniotic sac before attaching to the edge of the placenta.  She said if the sac had torn 3 inches in the other direction both mom and baby would have died before we go to the hospital.  God had been merciful to us again! He not only gave us another healthy baby, but spared both our lives in protecting us!

Then came the other interesting trial.  The week of his due date I had developed a rash on my belly.  No fun in the middle of May.  I was terribly itchy and huge to boot.  After Josiah was born, the rash didn’t go away, it spread.  By the time I left the hospital, it was all over my body and spreading to even more unpleasant places.  For about a month after giving birth I wanted to peel my skin off.  Nothing brought relief.  Even my mother-in-law who frequently gets hives thought I looked miserable.  Eventually it faded, beginning with my belly, and I found relief in not having it.  They call it the PUPPs rash, and there is nothing you can do about it.  No one knows why it happens, and thankfully it only happened to me once!

~ Shared by Laura A.

When Should I Go To The Hospital in Labor?

If you are planning a hospital birth, I am quite sure this question is on your mind. Is any time to early? Is any time to late? The answer is a bit complex, given we all have different expectations of labor and birth.

If your water breaks you need to go to the hospital. Your labor may not start right away or it could come on quickly after or you may already be in the middle of labor. Either way, when your water breaks you know your baby is headed into the world one way or another. It's time to head to the hospital.

Doctor's tell us that we need to go to the hospital when contractions are every 5 minutes for 1 hour. While sound advice, I have found many people are not yet in labor when they come in for this or they are still in early labor with frequent contractions that are not strong enough to dilate the cervix. If your contractions are strong and this frequent, then go to the hospital if you desire. With a first baby, it is likely you still have a ways to go with one hour of contractions like this. With subsequent babies, it is a good indication you are close. Pray and ask for wisdom if it's time for you to go.

If you are desiring an epidural for your labor, the above rule is a good one to follow as long as you are in active labor. If you are wanting to avoid an epidural, then stay home until you know it is close to time to deliver. You ask, "How do I know?" All I can say is, you will know. When you move into transition it is obvious. When you move from early/prodromal labor into active labor it is obvious. Pay attention. Pray throughout.

If you are in any doubt about whether you should go ahead to the hospital, call your doctor's office. Generally speaking, if you are contracting regularly they will tell you to go. That's just the way it is. Know, then, how you desire to proceed once at the hospital, and make your desires known.

How did you decide when to go to the hospital?

How Do I Prepare for A Non-Medicated Birth?

This is a question I am asked quite frequently, especially since I have had 5 births without an epidural. I'm sure everyone who has had natural, unmedicated labor has different things they would advise, so here are some general tips.

1. Pray a lot! And when you think you have prayed all you can pray some more. Seriously, I could not have gotten through any of my labors without a lot of prayer. Many of my prayers reflect Psalm 23 or simply asking God for help and strength to get through this contraction.
2. Know what helps you to relax. This is going to be different for everyone. Maybe it's music. Maybe it's having some one massage your back, feet, hands etc. Perhaps silence with minimal lighting. Know yourself and know what is going to help you to be calm in an intense time.
3. Practice relaxing before you're in labor. Set aside a couple times each week at the very least to practice relaxing your body in the type of environment you would like to have for your labor. For example, if you plan to have music, put it on and practice relaxing with it. As you get closer to your due date, make this more frequent, with practice as many days as possible by 35 weeks. 
4. Memorize Scripture. This is such a great way to help you mentally concentrate on the Lord and not your circumstances. Find a Psalm or passage that really speaks to you and your relationship with God and focus on it. 
5. Plan to stay home as long as possible. You might think I'm a bit crazy with this one, but if you are healthy, the baby is healthy, your labor is progressing normally and your water has not broken, stay in your own environment as long as possible. Once you enter the hospital you are on their turf, their timetable and it becomes more difficult to get comfortable and relaxed. I have not had this luxury with most of mine, and am hoping this will be the case for my next one as my third, where I was home the most, was my best as a whole.
6. Do Exercises. These help prepare your body for the stretching and pressure that come with giving birth. I find these very helpful to do regularly, daily if at all possible.
7. Expect it to be hard. I really wish I had been better at this during my last labor. Because I had had fairly easy labors previously, I had forgotten that labor can be very hard. Prepare mentally for the worst and hopefully it will not be as bad as you are expecting.
8. In labor, take each contraction as it comes. Once you think, "Is it going to get worse than this?" you are already on your way to needing medicine. Instead say, "OK, here it comes," then relax as you have practiced. Contractions will get more intense toward the end, generally speaking, but if you take each as it comes, you will likely make it. 
9. In labor, ask your providers not to ask you if you want medication. They generally will tell you what medicine is available to you, but afterward you can say thank you for letting you know and that you will let them know if you need anything. 
10. Know who you want in your room ahead of time. If you want the bare minimum number of people, then arrange that. Let people who might want to be there know that you desire for them to wait until after the birth. If you have unwanted guests and are uncomfortable saying something you can always ask your nurse or provider to be the bad guy and tell people to leave. If you want many, know that some places will not allow more than 3 or so extra people. Find out what the policies are where you are planning to deliver.

What is your advice? How do you prepare for a natural labor?

Revised from "Tips for Preparing for Natural Labor" on "Childbirth Conversations", May 15, 2014

Talitha's Birth

From the Archives

After our last birth which ended in a week-long NICU stay, we were nervous about the birth of baby number three.  After having a boy and a girl, we finally decided to find out before-hand if we were having a boy or a girl, so I could have baby clothes ready.  She was due in the beginning of January.  Since our first was born on his due date and the second two weeks early, we had plans for the grandparents helping to come the week of the due date, and we would just muddle though if she came early.

Well, due date came and went with the in-laws in our apartment.  My mom and dad were due to arrive one week after the due date, and that day I started having regular contractions.  My husband and I checked with the doctor and she said I was at 4cm and having contractions regular enough to go ahead to the hospital and the doctor on-call could break my water. Since it worked well last time, we went ahead.  First we went to Jimmy John’s for one last meal before they put me off food till baby came.

We met the doctor, he said he had another mom in labor down the hall and didn’t want to break my water and then miss our birth while helping the other mom.  So we waited 4 hours for him to come back.  We played games, checked internet time-wasters, watched stupid TV, all while breathing through contractions.  Seriously, my husband is the best labor coach! My parents arrived and hung out in the room as we waited.

Doc came back, my dad took his book to the waiting room, and doc broke my water.  After he left, the contractions started hurting more.  No more distractions, just me staring the clock down, listening to my husband’s directions for breathing, and mom wiping my brow with a cool cloth.  I was done! We called the nurse; she said I was at 8cm.  I had another contraction and said I am done; get the nurse back in here to check.  She checked, I was at 10cm!  She used the phone in the room to call for the baby nurse and doctor. Now I was blowing the contractions away because I wanted to push, but no one was ready, the doctor came in, and as he was getting the gown and gloves on, baby girl, Talitha, popped out, while I was trying not to push!  He barely caught her!

They cleaned her up, lowered the foot of the bed and finished up with me.  Then they let me hold her, and Mom went to get Dad.  It was neat to have them both there right after.  We sent Mom and Dad to our house to have dinner with their other grandkids, and to put them to bed so the other grandparents could come up and meet Talitha.  It was the only time both sets of parents got to meet a newborn grandbaby the same weekend.  It was also only the second time they had all been together, the first time being our wedding!

Fun thing about her, her name is Talitha which means “little girl.”  She was my smallest baby, seven pounds, two ounces.  And she is still petite. She weighs less than her younger brother, though she is a head taller.

~Shared by Laura A.

Psalm 121

Last week during some of my preparation I ended up reading Psalm 121. I have discussed before about memorizing a hymn and a Psalm to prepare for labor as well as the importance of memorizing Scripture to prepare for labor. Psalm 121 really spoke to my heart as I read it. I wish it had stood out to me sooner so that I would have my whole pregnancy to learn it, instead of days or a few weeks, but I am planning to meditate on this Psalm to have alongside Psalm 23 that is my go to for everything!

Psalm 121 says:

"I lift up my eyes to the hills.

From where does my help come?

My help comes from the Lord,

who made heaven and earth. 

He will not let your foot be moved;

He who keeps you will not slumber.

Behold, He who keeps Israel

will neither lumber nor sleep.

The Lord is your keeper;

the Lord is your shade on your right hand.

The sun shall not strike you by day,

nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all evil;

He will keep your life.

The Lord will keep

your going out and your coming in

from this time forth and forevermore."

How this shouted at me about preparing for giving birth! Where does my help come from? From God! He created the heavens and the earth and He created birth. God does not sleep, but He keeps us. Whether our labor is 1 hour or 48 hours long, He does not sleep, He is right there with us. He is the One who keeps our life. 

I hope this Psalm brings you as much encouragement as it has me.

What Psalms do you find helpful?

Pregnancy Prepares Us For Birth

From conception until birth is somewhere around 40 weeks, over half a year. Why is that? I believe this time helps us prepare for birth and being mothers. If we could just drop babies without any preparation it would be very overwhelming. Don't get me wrong, it's overwhelming even with 40 week prep, but we need the time to help us prepare for our births.

Let's be real, for most women pregnancy is not very much fun. There's nausea, vomiting, fatigue, dizziness, growing and stretching, the use of muscles you didn't know you had, sleeplessness, restlessness, pulling, swelling and more. At times it can be very uncomfortable and even painful. But it is preparation for the hard work of labor and delivery and motherhood. Everything in this time period takes sacrifice on our parts. No matter what you want in your birth, it is a sacrifice to bring a baby into the world. Pregnancy begins to teach us those sacrifices.

Towards the end it can get almost unbearable. When visiting our hometown, my friend Ashley said, "We have to be miserable at the end so that we will welcome labor." And I thought, that is so true. Labor is painful. It is hard work. But by the end of our pregnancy we are generally ready to meet our babes and labor is a welcome relief, even if it is painful, because we know that the end of the physical pain is in sight.

I need this reminder, because I often do not welcome pregnancy as I should, especially at the end. But I am thankful for each pregnancy that has taught me more about my God, and for each birth that has shown me God's provision and love for me.

How have your pregnancies helped prepare you for birth?