Today I am sharing from the heart. Just over a week ago I gave birth to our 5th child.
It was so hard.
Why? That is what I have been wondering. Overall this pregnancy, birth and recovery have been very rough for me. Perhaps with having 4 relatively easy births and immediate bounce back recoveries I had too high of expectations. In fact, I think what I have experienced this time is more the norm. But it's not normal for me and I'm having a hard time even processing it.
I have loved giving birth in the past, but not this time. I have previously felt amazing as soon as the baby was born, but not this time. I have struggled a lot mentally this time and that has not happened before.
Now I'm trying to figure out how to move forward with reality. Why didn't things happen as I expected? Why did I expect things to go as they had before? I know every pregnancy and birth is different, and I have to remember that I was given a gift. Nothing was taken from me because I did not have the birth I wanted. But it's easy to feel that way.
Does anyone relate?
My second delivery was completely not what I expected. Unlike my first delivery, the next one was 35 hours shorter and unintentionally without an epidural. It was terrible, and sometimes I think I had PTSD from it. I cried every day for two months and only realized I had post partum depression in hindsight. Eventually, I got back to my normal self, but of my four deliveries, my second was the hardest to endure and to recover from mentally. Prayers that you feel better soon! <3
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