When Things Don't Go As Expected

Today I am sharing from the heart. Just over a week ago I gave birth to our 5th child.

It was so hard. 

Why? That is what I have been wondering. Overall this pregnancy, birth and recovery have been very rough for me. Perhaps with having 4 relatively easy births and immediate bounce back recoveries I had too high of expectations. In fact, I think what I have experienced this time is more the norm. But it's not normal for me and I'm having a hard time even processing it.

I have loved giving birth in the past, but not this time. I have previously felt amazing as soon as the baby was born, but not this time. I have struggled a lot mentally this time and that has not happened before.

Now I'm trying to figure out how to move forward with reality. Why didn't things happen as I expected? Why did I expect things to go as they had before? I know every pregnancy and birth is different, and I have to remember that I was given a gift. Nothing was taken from me because I did not have the birth I wanted. But it's easy to feel that way.

Does anyone relate?